Rekindling A Lost Childhood Dream
God is in my story.
Life is funny. Sometimes in order to move forward, you have to look backward. I’ve done a lot of self-reflection in recent years and have come to the conclusion that God has always been with me, is still with me, and will always be with me. He’s the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.
My Love for Reading and Writing
Did you know that when I was young, I mean real young, I would sit with piles of books next to me and continuously turn the pages? I don’t even think I knew how to read. My dad has that memory of me and would constantly remind me of it. If I recall correctly, I would go through those books until my eyes were droopy and I was on the verge of falling asleep.
Did you know that in elementary school I was a voracious reader? My mom frequently took me to the public library, and I would enjoy solitude in my bedroom, immersed in these fictional stories. Reading them was an escape for me and made me feel less alone. In particular, I enjoyed series chapter books - Goosebumps, The Baby-Sitters Club, Sweet Valley High, The Chronicles of Narnia, Anne of Green Gables, the list goes on. My dad complained about me always being in my room; he wished I would go outside more.
Did you know that in junior high school, my favorite classes were English, social studies, and journalism? I loved diagramming sentences and writing poems. I remember dressing up as Mother Theresa and doing a presentation about her. This is the point in my life when I dreamed of being a writer. I also greatly appreciated learning about other cultures.
I didn’t sign up for journalism, but somehow the elective class showed up in my schedule. I learned how to write leads, the importance of the 5 W’s (who, what, where, why, when), how to interview others, and the importance of accurately sharing other people’s stories.
Did you know that for 8th grade superlatives I won for “Best Reader” and “Best Writer”?
Did you know that in high school I traveled to Europe (France, Germany, Switzerland, and Spain) as a “student ambassador”? The group leaders made us keep journals and at the end of our journey, I was recognized as “Best Writer.” I was a little surprised because one of my friends had joined me on this trip. I knew she was academically superior to me, so I assumed if anyone would be recognized, it would be her.
Did you know that from junior high through college I was either a reporter or an editor? At some point I grew tired of writing stories and preferred to delegate. However, I still enjoyed the creative process and would often stay up past midnight doing layout using Adobe InDesign. I thrived on meeting deadlines, and I was proud of seeing my creation in a tangible form.
Maintaining Relationships Through My Writing
Did you know that in elementary school I had fun writing notes to my friends in folded up pieces of paper? Some of my friends and I made up fun nicknames for each other. My friend Danielle was “Don-yell,” or something along those lines, while she called me “Mari-M.”
Around that same time, I’m not sure how I was introduced to it, but I received a subscription to a Christian devotional magazine Pockets. Later, when I was a teen, I read a devotional magazine dedicated to my age range called Devozine. I can’t remember if it was only Devozine or both, but I contributed my writings to these publications and was so proud of myself when seeing my work in print.
I also grew a passion for pen-pal writing. Devozine connected me to other Christian teens around the world. I remember writing to a girl named Chantel Knight in Louisiana and another girl in Canada (sorry, my memory is bad, and I can’t remember her name!). It was so much fun learning about the lives of other people, complete strangers who lived in other parts of the world.
I continued writing letters through college, but this time, to keep in touch with high school friends. I decided to go to college out of state in Virginia, while most of my friends attended colleges in California. Whether it was through physical, handwritten letters, my online journal entries via LiveJournal (kept private to only my friends), or through AOL Instant Messenger, I always made an effort to keep in touch. I valued my relationships.
I wasn’t fully aware of it back then, but maybe I was lonely. I attended a small, all-women’s college in a rural town and didn’t have a car. I was 2,500+ miles away from home. During my first year of college, I was still in the process of making new friends. I had broken up with my high school boyfriend. I was the token Asian in a setting of primarily white girls. Everyone was nice to me, but I probably did feel a slight sense of feeling as if I didn’t belong. I buried myself in schoolwork as a way to hide any sort of pain I may have been feeling.
My Educational and Professional Background
Did you know that I attended a liberal arts college and journalism wasn’t a major? I mean, I probably could’ve pursued a self-directed, independent journalism major, but that felt like a lot of work and I was lazy. So I majored in the subject that interested me the most: sociology. I loved learning about people and how things relate to one another.
In today’s competitive landscape, some people may criticize my choice in college and major. College is so expensive. Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to study a field that would give me better odds of landing a high-paying job in the future? Something STEM-related perhaps? Or business or marketing or economics? Wouldn’t those be more useful than sociology?
Perhaps those people are right. When I graduated college, I had a difficult time securing a job and I started out my career earning between $12-14/hour. But hey, I was making money! Everyone has to start somewhere, right? I worked hard and progressed into the lucrative, budding industry of affiliate marketing. When my husband and I first dated, I was earning a salary comparable to his; he still earned more but not by much.
Do you have no idea what affiliate marketing is? Because I didn’t when I first started. I’ll give you the basics. We worked with advertisers (think retailers and service providers such as Apple, H&R Block, Gamefly, etc.) and affiliates (think 3rd party websites such as RetailMeNot, Rakuten/formerly known as Ebates, slickdeals, or content sites such as bloggers or the popular consumer reviews site Wirecutter). Affiliates promote advertisers on various places (sites/emails/apps/social media/etc.), and if a consumer completes a purchase, they receive a commission from the advertiser. My job was to grow partnerships, connect people together based on growth opportunities, provide client service, maintain relationships, and strategize ways to increase revenue.
My Current Phase in Life
I left that industry 6 years ago to become a stay-at-home mom and focus on my family. Now I recently created a blog. My intent right now is to just write and share my stories because I think storytelling has the power to connect people and make people feel less alone. But only God knows if my blog will one day be able to be monetized. Or if my blog writing will lead to future paid opportunities. Wouldn’t that be the dream? To make money doing something I love?
I also love connecting with people in person. I try to host a local Moms Night Out event once a month - anyone is welcome to join. It always ends up being so much fun. So many different personalities. We share stories and laugh together. We learn things from each other. We enjoy good food and sometimes good drinks (I purposely try to meet during happy hour so we can take advantage of cheaper prices).
Additionally, my husband and I have been in the same Bible Study group for six years now. We used to meet weekly, virtually during and a little after the COVID-19 pandemic, but now we meet every 2nd and 4th Friday of the month. People have come and gone through the years, but we have a core original group. Because of all the time spent with them consistently, we have gotten close to each other. We celebrate our successes together, and we pray for each other during challenging times.
Conclusion
Do you see how God has always been with me? I had a childhood dream that I left behind. I gave up my dream of writing because I prioritized wanting to make money. Also, writing requires discipline and hard work, and to be honest, I was lazy and wanted to take the easy road. I’ve also always had a fear of failure and disappointing my parents. Stepping outside my comfort zone is something I usually avoid doing.
I am so grateful that God has been guiding me to where He wants me to be. I made a huge detour, and it took me nearly 12 years to get back on track. He’s been leaving me bread crumbs, reminding me of who I am.
To be honest, even after launching this blog, I still have fears. I’m still afraid of failure. What if I run out of content ideas like last time? Several years ago, I joined the Ventura County Mom Collective as a contributing writer but stopped because I ran out of story ideas. I usually just wing it as a mom. How many “mom things” can I write about? Being a mom isn’t my only identity.
Being so vulnerable in a public space, I still feel insecurities. What if people judge or criticize my writing? What if my memory serves me poorly and someone gets upset at me for writing something incorrectly? Or worse, what if I unintentionally violate someone’s privacy by mentioning them in a story and he/she takes legal action against me? What if I post content on social media and, by accident, potentially have a negative impact on an individual’s life?
Is this little hobby of mine worth all of my energy, time, and effort?
While I am still fearful, I know I have God by my side, and that makes all the difference. Because with God, anything is possible. And let people judge me. People are always going to judge anyway. God is my ultimate judge. Am I pleasing to Him? That’s all that matters.
Thanks, God, for getting me back on track and filling me with purpose and joy.
