Trying to Hold On to Friendships
Sometimes it's best just to let go.
Is it friendship, or is it love? Or maybe a little of both? I was tidying up our living room and stumbled across a paper that had been doodled on with blue and purple markers.
“Benjamin and Amelia or mia” it said. The last letter of his name was transformed into a video game controller. Two hearts were drawn, one of them holding both of their names.
Initially I thought my son had recently drawn this himself, writing Amelia’s name in purple because he remembered that was her favorite color. But when I asked him about the paper, he revealed that Amelia and he had both made this together before she had moved away.
Either way, I thought it was really cute. A small, unexpected discovery brought me joy.
Amelia is the name of his neighborhood friend who had moved away once school ended. His “crush,” he boldly calls her. I don’t even know if he truly understands what a “crush” means. One time when I asked, he claimed he had 12.
Do boys really start having crushes as early as second grade? I don’t remember having a crush until fourth grade, and by crush, I really just mean thinking a boy looked cute. Do boys fall in love more easily than girls?
Amelia must have left an impact on him. Thanks to technology, they’ve been able to FaceTime a couple times. He also wrote her a cute card, and we delivered it via snail-mail. He hasn’t received anything back yet, but according to her mom, she really appreciated his card and is still in the process of working on one for him. I guess she has to make it perfect.
I wonder how long she’ll remain in his memory. How long will it be before he develops a new crush and forgets about his old one? Or maybe, there are just some people you don’t forget.
It’s interesting that we’re more drawn to certain people than others. We become close to some friends, and other people remain mere acquaintances.
In theory, we are instructed to love everyone. But in reality, we pick and choose.
It’s just easier that way. It’s more difficult to be friendly towards someone who doesn’t seem interested in you. It’s easier to gravitate towards people who accept you rather than reject you. It’s easier to choose a tight-knit group of friends and only hang out with them. Our time and energy is limited after all.
Life feels so much better with good friends around. It also feels unfair when they suddenly leave, move away, or slowly drift apart. No one likes the feeling of being abandoned. It also feels confusing when friends act differently towards you without an explanation. Why can’t people be better at communicating their feelings?
I’ve learned over the years that humans can be fickle, and you can’t control what other people do. Rather than ruminate over broken relationships, I’ve learned that it’s best to let go.
I used to think that something was wrong with me when others rejected me. But I’ve learned that not everyone’s going to like me, and that’s okay.
People can be idols, and maybe I was putting too much emphasis on getting everyone’s approval. I shouldn’t care so much about what other people think of me. Because in reality, I don’t think people really pay too much attention to others anyway. Everyone’s too preoccupied with their own lives.